We started out family life on a Canal boat. I left my partner at 3 months pregnant. As he can’t give his side of the story, I feel its not something I want to talk deeply about, but let’s just say it was the best decision all around and he’s now not in our lives in any way shape or form, and that’s ok for everyone concerned. But being a single mum, to twins, on a canal boat was not an easy life choice. It was hard but beautiful, and I returned to work as the lead family and children’s therapist at a Hospice when they were less than six months old. It broke my heart a little and theirs, but life and bills have to be met.
Fast forward a few years and at three we moved into a rented house, and it was about a year later when they both came down with a chest infection – and what seemed no big deal led to a year from Hell. With very little support (most people tried to help but they had their own lives and jobs to manage), I bounced from hospital stay to work, with sometimes no sleep for up to three days at a time, as my little girl battled a lung condition, that included lung collapses and repeated emergency admissions where we were not sure if she would make it through the night…… wrong diagnoses, overwhelmed NHS that just discharged her rather than look for the cause, fighting, fighting fighting to be heard and believed (she was discharged half an hr before her lungs collapsed because they thought all was fine and I was just an anxious mum), all whilst trying to keep my job (nobody saw fit to inform me I could have taken some time off and got financial support). At the same time her twin brother started to have a rare type of seizure that at one point a doctor thought was a stroke! And I was all battling to get him seen by specialists and find out what was wrong.
Three weeks before the rest of the world, we went into shielding. We spent six months alone, just me and two four years olds and, at one point, with my leg in a full splint due to a broken knee – shut inside a small house with only a little concrete yard. Not even the daily walks others had. Yet, I genuinely think covid was my saving grace, I had time to rest physically, the kids didn’t get ill, so no hospital admissions and we all started to heal a little. My body however had a bit too much healing to do and I had a lot of learning about chronic fatigue! and how I need to, now, prob for always, be so careful with my energy!! It was a steep learning curve, for me!! But it meant we made a lot of changes, we now home ed, and I work from home running my own trauma and grief therapy business. Life is slower and gentler, but lonely. Not many understand single parenting, or chronic fatigue. I judge myself as lazy when I sit on the settee rather than tidy, because let’s face it with two kids and just one adult I could easily tidy and clean all day every day!! I miss my boat, perhaps mostly because there, people would pop their head in and say hi, offer to get me bread or milk (tbf our lovely bakery does drop me off these things once a week) and I never felt judged or a burden. Here I can go weeks without seeing another adult!

I’ve spent years, since moving off the boat trying to find a community, and what I felt was a struggle was that most wanted more than I could give, either financially or energy wise. As a single parent, especially one with chronic fatigue, my finances and energy are stretched already, I can’t give a huge financial figure and I also can’t commit to working x amount of hrs per day or week! As I have my own business and kids to manage and then nothing left to give! I’m willing, but not able. And often felt that I was seen as unwilling or lazy. Here in this group its accepted that energy levels change, that we can’t all make the same commitments and that when we do make a commitment it might need to change.
Yet, at the same time, being in a supportive community would perhaps have changed this drastically. Maybe I never would have gotten chronic fatigue, there would be space to be held and to rest and isolation would perhaps be far less painful. As being surrounded by able, resourced families all connected is perhaps more painful than being completely alone. So I dream of being in a space where we can all be accepted for who we are, including my neuro diverse children. For them to have compassionate, considerate role models and maybe other children to play with would be amazing. Will it be all easy sailing… I sincerely doubt it. My children are a lot! Twin tornadoes is not a nickname they earned for no reason. Both likely autistic with ADHD they have endless energy and big emotions. But, they are also loving, and kind and far more considerate of others than of me! But I worry that they could be too much, for those needing rest and peace and quiet, but perhaps for others they will bring joy and life and support.
Our culture places us in age brackets in school and segregates us but naturally we lived in tribes of many ages and learnt from each other. I hope that a community will have that element, where we learn to consider each other, adapt to each other, have our own spaces to be completely ourselves but spaces we negotiate and share and in doing so support and learn from each other. Will it be easy, I doubt it, will it be worth it… I hope so.